Andrea opens her mail but it is difficult to think of anything except her son, Jason, who died three months ago. She sifts through the sympathy cards that keep coming to her family, reminding her that he has not been forgotten. Then she sees an envelope from the Transplant Resource Center of Maryland (TRC), unsure of what might be inside.
She reads:
To My Donor Family, Words cannot express the depth of my gratitude. Before I received your loved one’s liver, I was extremely ill, not sure whether I’d be able to see my little girl make it to her high school graduation. That was three months ago. Today, I’m doing great!! I’m able to enjoy being with my family without the fear that when I fall asleep, I might not wake up again. And you know what? I did make it to my daughter’s graduation! Thank you for choosing to donate your loved one’s organs at what must have been a very difficult time for your family. I can’t imagine what that loss must have been like for you. I offer you my deepest condolences. Please know your loved one is a true hero. Everyday, I take a moment to remember your loved one, the person who gave me the best gift I’ve ever received. Respectfully, |
As a transplant recipient or family member, you have the opportunity to communicate with your donor family when you feel ready. The decision to write is a very personal one. Often, transplant recipients and their families choose to write and express their gratitude. When you acknowledge the donor family’s loss and express thanks, you make their loved one’s gift meaningful and offer comfort in a time of great sadness.
If it’s been a while since your transplant and you have not written, don’t worry. It’s never too late. We recently forwarded a letter from a recipient who was transplanted back in 1981. We contacted the donor’s mom, as we always do, to make sure the donor family wanted to receive the correspondence. This mom answered with a resounding yes! It comforted her to know that her child’s Gift of Life had not been forgotten.
Are you concerned about upsetting the donor family? At TRC, we have a team of mental health professionals to support families in grief, no matter how long it’s been since the death. Receiving acknowledgement reminds them that something positive did come from their loss. That helps donor families in their grief experience. Even getting something in the mail around the anniversary of the loved one’s death offers hope and comfort. Donor families always know when we’ve received correspondence for them. They can choose not to receive the letter. That is a rare exception.
If you can’t find the words to express what’s in your heart, the TRC Family Advocate team would be honored to help you create a letter. Please know that we also get many, many store bought thank you cards from recipients. That’s absolutely fine.
How can a simple thank you card compare to the gift of an organ? This is a perfect example of, “it’s the thought that counts.” Organs are priceless. Gratitude is too.
When a donor family receives a card or letter from a recipient, it means the world to them. You can share how your world has changed since getting transplanted. Thank you for helping the family to understand the importance of their decision to donate and to let them know their loved one will never be forgotten.
For more information, please contact the Family Advocate Team at the Transplant Resource Center of Maryland at 410-242-7000/800-641-HERO [4376].
— Harry E. Congdon, L.C.S.W.-C.
